This Place is Gonna Kill Me ;_;

This place has everything. Everything, if you're into Top 40 music, Rap/Hip-Hop, want to try and claw your way to the top to be an actress/actor, and you don't mind living paycheck to paycheck in some shitty apartment to live in "the city of dreams."

I can't take much more of this place. My brain wants to emotionally shut down from all the negative, sketchy vibes of this place, all the facade of the humans here with their hidden agendas, the smugness/cattyness, and sheer ignorance, it's making me want to vomit.

I visited my parents in a state that's pretty damn conservative, and you know what happened? I got complimented for my anime shirt (Princess Mononoke). In over the 10 years I've lived in this shithole, I've never gotten a compliment for anything I've worn, or had a nice discussion about geeky things, or obscure music, no, just nasty looks, and eyerolls from people because I'm not trying to be trendy, and I don't "dress for the season," as if this place has any room to talk about seasons...

You can't be creative here outdoors, and that's the main thing that's going to make me lose my shit. Sure, you can TRY to take some cool photos or cosplay outside, but you're going to get harassed for it.

This city is supposed to be the liberal mecca where everyone breaks bread together and sings kumbaya. But in reality, it's a trendy borg collective of bitchy, flakey, backstabbing, grade A assholes, who would gladly see you go down in the dumps if it meant they get an up-and-up on the social ladder.

It's soooo hard to make friends here too. Everyone is 'too busy,' or they're too good to meet up outside of some stupid club (where they'll be intoxicated the whole time anyway).

I'm tired of the dumb pot culture also that is making people even lazier.

Moving is such a slow process and at times, I feel like I might implode before that happens. If it weren't for video games, manga/comics, and maybe my partner + fur babies, I'd be a lunatic by now. Or maybe I'd be on drugs like everyone else, just to cope with living here..... -_-

/vent0ver.exe/

Irony ..

Like all stupid + derogatory things people spew over social media, there is delicious irony. Apparently using the word "soy boy" is an insult to guys who are passive, not macho acting, or are vegan.

The context is that apparently consuming massive amounts of soy products mimic estrogenic hormones in the body, which may feminize the genotypic male. While there is medical evidence that shows that MASSIVE consumption of soy products can have a detrimental effect on health, here are two things that are laughable about that notion:

1) Soy is in every-fucking-thing. Soy crops are a massively subsidized part of agriculture, next to corn and wheat. From bread, to meat, to packaged dinners, chances are, those foods are going to be processed with soy.
2) These people usually consume meat + dairy products from cows raised on factory farms. To cut costs, farmers will inject growth hormones into dairy cows to make them grow larger and turn in higher profit. These hormones of course are Estradiol aka Estrogen.

Grats, people are tragically stupid.

Fetlife Makes me Feel Normal

Leave it to that site to make me feel like a vanilla bean. Also, people don't understand the fact that I am not attracted to most guys, and even if I were to make an exception, having facial hair, or a fuckboi appearance is a definite HELL FUCKING NO!

My Undercut was a Mistake

I miss my edgy bob hair, but I shaved the fucker off to have a sidecut, and then a deathhawk. I have fine hair, so it looked like hell, ala when celebrities have a mental breakdown and hack their hair off *cough* certain Marilyn Manson ex gf now social media shitstirrer *cough*.
Then I had a HORRIBLE stylist at the barber shop that I used to go to decide that an androgynous pompadour cut would look oh-so-great on me, which being the anti jock-a-billy person that I am, I almost puked. Not all of us can be Erika friggin Linder.

Anyways, my hair is a mix of smexy cyberpunk "bisexual" hair, and an uneven choppy mess. I could do extensions but that's money I don't wanna spend. Biotin pills do ye magick. Dragontits.

~Fin

Motoko - Transhumanism - Reflection

Motoko has a disconnect from her body, her "shell." She frequently wears scantily clad, or sometimes no clothing, because to her, her body is just a tool, a machine. Her "Ghost" makes her who she is, but she doesn't really know who she is, and is in constant conflict.
Those around her, especially Batou, sees her as any other human. He looks away when she isn't properly covered.

The disconnect she has with her on flesh, is probably some Freudian reason why I love her as a character so much. Maybe I can relate, but in a different way, idk ....

Done with the "Skeptic" thing

I was involved in the skeptic community when I felt a strong push for theocratic rule in my country, denial of climate change, et cetera.

But I've seen that community turn into a reactionary, negative, community that now embraces "pwned" or "rekt" culture, and sympathizes with really bad people. While being a skeptic is supposed to be about personal freedom, so many of them want society to be a dull, Polo shirt-tucked, subdued generation. They mock anything remotely alternative. I've seen so many of them call anything that is even moderately supportive of lgbt rights, (ala adding lgbt characters to video games) "sjw." I'm so sick and tired of that word being tossed around, and its lost its entire meaning.

I don't support far-left ideology, and I do find a lot of the divisive tactics of modern social justice movements a detriment to a peaceful, altruistic society, but I'm not going to stoop as low and joining in on "gotcha" comments/videos, or the whole "look at this lulcow," mentality. This "jockbro" cesspool that the skeptic community has become, has been really off-putting.

People need to learn to think for themselves, stop being tribalistic, think really hard about what they're getting into and if it benefits the world in a positive light in lieu of just dishing out negative shit to the universe.

Google Maps (Visions of the Past)

That hill, by my school, once covered in trees, my "secret place" as a child, the place where I went sledding on the rare occasion that it snowed, is now bare, open, the lawn freshly trimmed.

The roads remain still cracked and unkept, the polar opposite of the city life I have been living for years.

The road with the slanted hill, flashback to that one near-death experience. The crazy friend that I had with the truck who wanted to "jump the hill" and almost hit another car while my bestie and I were in the back.

The corner store, who loved my "strange" friends and I, and imported pop soda flavors by our request everyday when we shopped there after highschool, the one by our bus stop, is still alive and well.

The bike trails, once secluded are stripped of trees as well. The place where I would take dangerous midnight bike rides.

The house I grew up in, looks almost the same. Still has the cross that my carpenter grandfather made, attached to the siding. It's creepy, yet endearing at the same time.

There is even more of a church and Wal-Mart on every corner now.

Fast food is in abundance.