"Skepticism" (rambly)

It's current year, to obligatory.

It's 'skeptical' to not question people spewing bigoted rhetoric. 'Open market place of ideas.'

Ironically the stubborn religious person barks "prove to me there's no god, or explain the earth, who created everything," just like skeptics shutdown any dissenting opinions by barking 'sjw.'

No admitting of flaws. Just like fundamentalists.

Yes, social justice has become dogmatic nonsense, demonizing video games, equating a caucasian hippie with dreads to white supremacists, painting whole groups of people with the same broad of a brush. But you don't become like Nietzsche described, like the abyss.

A community that gave the finger to religious extremism, now strives to have a world void of art.

"You have dyed hair, you must hate your mom."
"Vegans, you're literally cancer."

Instead of, "that isn't my thing, but cool, the world is better off with creative people."
or maybe the evil 'vegan' just is doing something to change the way our food is mass-produced, and making us all sick. (side note: I am plant-based, but I don't ever chastise meat eaters. I just want to get rid of factory farming that is making food contaminated and causing illnesses such as the salmonella outbreaks linked to cow manure in crowded farms).

Why is it seen as 'mature,' 'skeptical,' or 'intellectual' to walk in lockstep with people that really want to cause harm to society. While the college feminist may be insufferable, the other side will inevitably want to control everyone.

The Codex to Fix Stupidity::

1) Anyone is capable of being a total ignoramous, moron. No matter their creed or political view.
2) Anyone can be a racist. Reshaping the word, to where only one demographic can be guilty of this, only serves to demonize one group and grant the other immunity.
3) Because someone has dyed hair, that does not mean they are an extremist/political kind of person. It could mean:
 a) They like the way it looks
 b) "That guy from the band" looked cool with it
 c) They're an otaku
 d) They're artsy in some way
4) It's just as dumb for people to get up-in-arms/"triggered" over crass humor, as much as it is for people to lose their shit when they find out someone is vegan. "Mind your own business" can be a mantra to fix the stupidity of both groups of people.
5) No one owns a culture. Evolution is part of every living being on this earth. Culture is no exception to this rule. To keep cultures/aesthetics only available to one group is not only stupid, but denying the inevitable that traditions/art/style/aesthetics will one day mend together.
6) It isn't bigoted to voice concerns about a religion/ideology that promotes violence.
7) If you join a violent/bigoted group of people just to "piss off the other side," then you aren't a very rational or mature human being.
8) Call out culture is a disease that ruins society when it paints a large group of people with the same broad of brush. It divides people and destroys any opportunity of co-existence, and end the end, is just a bitchy witch hunt for the goal of moral grand-standing.
9) If attractive fictional characters offend you, you don't have to watch. You don't get to enforce your morals/ideology on those that aren't offended.
10) For the last fucking time, if "soy" really is something that you're concerned about, and you're terrified that it will feminize you, you're more at risk eating that burgers/steak than the vegan eating their texturized vegetable protein. Look up the additives in factory farmed meat, especially those bought at your local fast-food/department store locations.

Nobodies Girl™

Unplugging from the internet. It sounds so, easy, but it's an addiction. Sometimes I feel as if I'm injecting heroin into my veins every time I wander on social media. It's a redundant battle of hypocrisy, tribalism, vanity/narcissism, and a cesspool of ads.

It can be tenfold more toxic, when you just don't/can't fit into anyone's mold. I'm never going to be the good little social justice warrior; simultaneously, I won't give up being liberal...

No, not all white people are racist/bad, cultural appropriation is a stupid/divisive concept that just makes people nit pick and fight with each other meanwhile those in power/in charge fuck us all over. No, sex is not the enemy, and being attracted/enticed with someone is not 'objectification,' if you still value their autonomy/individuality. How can one not be depressed with the way things are now, when you constantly have a guilt trip shoved down your throat, get equated with rich bastard politicians, etc ?

"Edgelords," "SJW's," and Why I Vote Giant Meteor 2020

People are more tribalistic  now, more than I've ever seen, and it's obnoxious and frustrating. 

The person who makes a reasonable point about how just maybe, maybe, in gaming culture, if you reveal you are a female, gay, or anything other than the majority demographic, you will be harassed, because you stand out. Will get called an "SJW." It doesn't even matter if you make the point that you aren't making a blanket statement about the whole group. It doesn't matter if you aren't coming from any particular political ideation, but just want to make a point about how people could, I dunno... be more decent.. you still get labelled this.

Simultaneously! .... If you make the point that just because there are some bad apples in a group, that doesn't mean the whole group should be demonized, you get called "misogynistic," "right-wing," a "bigot." 

Tribalistic bullshit, identity politics, and following a herd (be it the social justice sect of Youtube, or the now-conservative-leaning, edgelord, 'skeptic' sect) are making humankind less decent to each other, complete assholes, and we are forgetting the "golden rule." It's fucked. So many people yell about how "you won't even have a conversation!" but when you do, it's constant labels, ad hominems, and more interest in being the "dominate" one in the discourse, instead of maybe having some kind of human empathy towards the other side, and learn to respect each other as individuals. 

I hate that people like Milo are looked up to, when he spews nothing but paranoia and hysteria, and influences people to try and get a rise out of people, and justify it with "toughen up." 

I hate that people like Anita have such an influence, to where geeks are looked down upon, called horrible things, made out to be anti-gay, woman-haters, and censorship is the end-result of it. 

People are so wrapped up in parroting what their ilk says, and scoring "rekt" points, that we all forget that the world sucks. We have to work hard. We have to struggle. We have health problems, emotions, we fall in love, we get our heart broken. We're all fucked up in some way or another, and we forget the fact that we don't know another's lived experience, what they've been through, and what's happening in their day-to-day lives. Society is so divided, and it's sad to watch. 

Being Alternative + Misconceptions

1) "Special Snowflake-ism" "You hate your mom" etc: That's the general perception as of 2017-2018 when people see someone with neon hair or piercings. I'm sure that might be the case for some people, but it definitely isn't for everyone. The reason I like the way I do is very simple - Once upon a time, some band, some weird film, inspired me with its aesthetics, and I emulated it in real life. Fin. I has got fuck all to do with politics, religion, or some kind of cathartic rebellion.

2) "Must be Gay": Okay, in my case, yeah I'm not straight technically, but I don't choose to put a label on myself. I have a girlfriend, and am primarily attracted to other females, but alas, I'm not very well liked upon the 'gay community.' I don't know if it's the carry-over attitude from the 90's where the 'gay community' is all about mainstream fashion/fitting in, and they see someone like me 'making them look bad,' the general cattiness of that community in general (yes, the lesbians too),  or the fact that I'm really apathetic about the hyper-political nature of that community, find most of their music taste puke-worthy, their stereotypical dresscodes to be bland and cringey, or I just don't know. I forgot I'm not straight. I just do what I do. I like who I like. I eat Ramen, drink Thai Tea, play video games, and do artsy shit, and if I find someone attractive, I find them attractive. I'm not about to go wearing a rainbow, plaid shirts, or enamel pins (ew).

3) "Probably into kink/bdsm": I'm not asexual, per se, but I generally don't find most people attractive because of their personalities. That's really important to me, even with just a hookup. Either that, or I'm too busy doing other things to think about sex. Yeah, I have my kinks, but they're quite mild compared to the stuff you'd see, on like say, Fetlife. I find BDSM hilarious and cheesy when I see it at the club. When I see people saying "yes mistress/daddy" et cetera, I laugh, because to me, it looks comical, and not hot.

4) "Satanist": First of all, I've read Anton Lavey's work. I like some of it, but most of it sounds like he was an Ayn Rand fanboy, or really into Aleister Crowley. Not my thing. I don't believe in any Abrahamic god/deity/devil of any sort. I'm pretty friggin agnostic, and religion in general, is not a big part of my life.

Polyamory Vs Propaganda

I used to be a lot of things. I was, what the internet would call, a "social justice warrior," I was an anarchist, I was a feminist, for the longest time, I was hardcore into polyamory.

When I look back now, reflect hard on my choices, I can only see how absurd that was. I still believe that monogamy is an unnatural expectation in relationships. But underneath all the hippie dippy bullshit hard-left books spew, there are a lot of things that aren't considered in polyamorist lifestyles.

1) Time. Are you going to check off the list who you will spend the weekend with? Is there a rotation with people like commodities, even though the movement claims to be defying a society that treats people like objects?
2) Valentines Day? Are you giving everyone gifts? Who are you gonna shag?
3) Jealousy. Compersion 99% is total bullshit for most people. When you share romantic feelings for someone, it's so potent like a drug and fucks you up. If you don't get jealous, you're either hardcore into some hippie commune mentality, or a sociopath.

The only way I could see this working is if everyone lived together in the same household like you see in reality shows. Ew. Cringe factor times 1000. But what do I know?

Also, I'm really not interested in discussing/debating this as with anything. It's my opinion, and I've experienced it, so suck it up buttercups of the internet.

When the "Liberals" Disappoint You

When it comes to conservatives, I expect to be disliked, labeled stupid things. to be mocked, et cetera. I expect an idealogy that wants the world to be filled with people clad in Polo t-shirts, sucking the milk out of the tit of the corporate elite, a "Wal-Mart" type society, with no 'freaks with blue hair" et cetera.

But nothing hurts more, or feels disappointing, then seeing people who claim to be liberal, acting like asshole authoritarians: Policing what people are allowed to like, wear, tell people what sole culture/skin pallete an article of clothing or aesthetic belongs to. Shunning those who disagree with their world view. Hating people who have the same skin colour as the majority of the elite and make derogatory remarks about a person of your ethnicity, that you did not choose to have. Dividing, spewing venom. Becoming "the monster they are trying to fight."

It hurts, feels isolating, and chaotic and confusing, because you expect so much more.

I miss the generation of free expression and when people had a semblance of knowing how to mind their own business instead of this narcissistic holier than thou attitude. When you find yourself stuck in the middle of two extremes, it's lonely and the future looks so much hopeless.

Art Libertarian

Nothing to do with the political party, politics in general, but more so because of the literal definition of the world. "liber" meaning liberty/freedom from & "tarian" meaning authoritarian. 

The freedom to express one's self freely without any outside authoritarian influence. 

No one owns an aesthetic, a culture, a genre of music, an art style. As a human species, with mirror neurons firing a ton, we learn to borrow from one another. Our languages/vernaculars evolve with time. Against anyone's will evolution happens. It is no different with art. 

Music purists try to drown in nostalgia; not leaving any room for growth, trying something new. This is why many 'subcultures' die out. Old wine in new bottles gets really bland over time. 

Cultural aesthetic is something that is always being mimicked from previous generations. Our clothing of today predates the early civilizations that created textiles out of animal skins for the sole purpose of keeping warm during harsh winters. To claim one group "owns" an aesthetic, is pure authoritarianism and liberates no one. 

Anyone that tries to shame anyone for their music choice, their artistic expression, isn't worth someone's time. It's an outdated way of thinking. More forward. 

Internet Dogpiling, Political Disillusionment, and General Social Distrust

A popular blogger/vlogger I watch today got dogpiled this week.

This guy is pretty much the political equivalent of me. He voted for Jill Stein in the last election because she was the candidate that best fit his views, as did I. Anyways.. none of that matter.

He's always been critical of a certain video game media critic (name withheld), who is basically the Tipper Gore of this generation, but instead of Punk Rock, it's video games that she is creating a hysteria about. She is trying to tie video game violence/misogyny to real life violence/misogyny. Something that there is no scientific correlation between the two, and actually there is the opposite. Because video games allow player choice.

While I have agreed with SOME of her content, mainly the reward factor for some of the gnarly stuff you can do in GTA games is off-putting, but it still isn't real. That's just my opinion. But she also sex-shames video games that are sexual in nature, like a Puritan. I don't stand for it.

There was a movement in the early 00's that was a rebellion against journalist like her (movement withheld), and this vlogger was part of it (kinda). While people were hurling sexist remarks towards her, sending her death threats, his approach was more of a, "I don't agree with her, and we should speak out against what she says, but please don't be a bigot." A perfectly reasonable position imo.

Flash forward to current day. He made a kind of joking remark about the president trying to tie the recent shooting to video game violence, and made a kind of statement like, "this is the one thing I thought he wouldn't do," and of course, the reactionary, always-offended, sect of the internet misconstrued that as he is a conservative, supported the president up-until-the-point 'he came fur muh vidya games." When people have tried to reach out to this individual, he did what all these internet justice warriors do, in call him ad hominems, try and demonize him as some woman-hating asshole, et cetera.

This is why, when I find myself in company with someone that is deep in social activism, I quickly separate myself from them. I can't trust them. With this day and age, with technology at everyone's fingertips, dogpiling, listen-and-believe tactics can ruin your life. These people are worse than actual bigots. I say that because they're monsters in disguise. You want to trust them, you put so much good faith in them having the best of intentions, you think they want to live in a great humanist, altruistic world,  but in the end, you say one thing they don't like, and they won't hesitate to attack. It's like Nietzsche said: " 'Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster... "

This Place is Gonna Kill Me ;_;

This place has everything. Everything, if you're into Top 40 music, Rap/Hip-Hop, want to try and claw your way to the top to be an actress/actor, and you don't mind living paycheck to paycheck in some shitty apartment to live in "the city of dreams."

I can't take much more of this place. My brain wants to emotionally shut down from all the negative, sketchy vibes of this place, all the facade of the humans here with their hidden agendas, the smugness/cattyness, and sheer ignorance, it's making me want to vomit.

I visited my parents in a state that's pretty damn conservative, and you know what happened? I got complimented for my anime shirt (Princess Mononoke). In over the 10 years I've lived in this shithole, I've never gotten a compliment for anything I've worn, or had a nice discussion about geeky things, or obscure music, no, just nasty looks, and eyerolls from people because I'm not trying to be trendy, and I don't "dress for the season," as if this place has any room to talk about seasons...

You can't be creative here outdoors, and that's the main thing that's going to make me lose my shit. Sure, you can TRY to take some cool photos or cosplay outside, but you're going to get harassed for it.

This city is supposed to be the liberal mecca where everyone breaks bread together and sings kumbaya. But in reality, it's a trendy borg collective of bitchy, flakey, backstabbing, grade A assholes, who would gladly see you go down in the dumps if it meant they get an up-and-up on the social ladder.

It's soooo hard to make friends here too. Everyone is 'too busy,' or they're too good to meet up outside of some stupid club (where they'll be intoxicated the whole time anyway).

I'm tired of the dumb pot culture also that is making people even lazier.

Moving is such a slow process and at times, I feel like I might implode before that happens. If it weren't for video games, manga/comics, and maybe my partner + fur babies, I'd be a lunatic by now. Or maybe I'd be on drugs like everyone else, just to cope with living here..... -_-

/vent0ver.exe/

Irony ..

Like all stupid + derogatory things people spew over social media, there is delicious irony. Apparently using the word "soy boy" is an insult to guys who are passive, not macho acting, or are vegan.

The context is that apparently consuming massive amounts of soy products mimic estrogenic hormones in the body, which may feminize the genotypic male. While there is medical evidence that shows that MASSIVE consumption of soy products can have a detrimental effect on health, here are two things that are laughable about that notion:

1) Soy is in every-fucking-thing. Soy crops are a massively subsidized part of agriculture, next to corn and wheat. From bread, to meat, to packaged dinners, chances are, those foods are going to be processed with soy.
2) These people usually consume meat + dairy products from cows raised on factory farms. To cut costs, farmers will inject growth hormones into dairy cows to make them grow larger and turn in higher profit. These hormones of course are Estradiol aka Estrogen.

Grats, people are tragically stupid.

Fetlife Makes me Feel Normal

Leave it to that site to make me feel like a vanilla bean. Also, people don't understand the fact that I am not attracted to most guys, and even if I were to make an exception, having facial hair, or a fuckboi appearance is a definite HELL FUCKING NO!

My Undercut was a Mistake

I miss my edgy bob hair, but I shaved the fucker off to have a sidecut, and then a deathhawk. I have fine hair, so it looked like hell, ala when celebrities have a mental breakdown and hack their hair off *cough* certain Marilyn Manson ex gf now social media shitstirrer *cough*.
Then I had a HORRIBLE stylist at the barber shop that I used to go to decide that an androgynous pompadour cut would look oh-so-great on me, which being the anti jock-a-billy person that I am, I almost puked. Not all of us can be Erika friggin Linder.

Anyways, my hair is a mix of smexy cyberpunk "bisexual" hair, and an uneven choppy mess. I could do extensions but that's money I don't wanna spend. Biotin pills do ye magick. Dragontits.

~Fin

Motoko - Transhumanism - Reflection

Motoko has a disconnect from her body, her "shell." She frequently wears scantily clad, or sometimes no clothing, because to her, her body is just a tool, a machine. Her "Ghost" makes her who she is, but she doesn't really know who she is, and is in constant conflict.
Those around her, especially Batou, sees her as any other human. He looks away when she isn't properly covered.

The disconnect she has with her on flesh, is probably some Freudian reason why I love her as a character so much. Maybe I can relate, but in a different way, idk ....

Done with the "Skeptic" thing

I was involved in the skeptic community when I felt a strong push for theocratic rule in my country, denial of climate change, et cetera.

But I've seen that community turn into a reactionary, negative, community that now embraces "pwned" or "rekt" culture, and sympathizes with really bad people. While being a skeptic is supposed to be about personal freedom, so many of them want society to be a dull, Polo shirt-tucked, subdued generation. They mock anything remotely alternative. I've seen so many of them call anything that is even moderately supportive of lgbt rights, (ala adding lgbt characters to video games) "sjw." I'm so sick and tired of that word being tossed around, and its lost its entire meaning.

I don't support far-left ideology, and I do find a lot of the divisive tactics of modern social justice movements a detriment to a peaceful, altruistic society, but I'm not going to stoop as low and joining in on "gotcha" comments/videos, or the whole "look at this lulcow," mentality. This "jockbro" cesspool that the skeptic community has become, has been really off-putting.

People need to learn to think for themselves, stop being tribalistic, think really hard about what they're getting into and if it benefits the world in a positive light in lieu of just dishing out negative shit to the universe.

Google Maps (Visions of the Past)

That hill, by my school, once covered in trees, my "secret place" as a child, the place where I went sledding on the rare occasion that it snowed, is now bare, open, the lawn freshly trimmed.

The roads remain still cracked and unkept, the polar opposite of the city life I have been living for years.

The road with the slanted hill, flashback to that one near-death experience. The crazy friend that I had with the truck who wanted to "jump the hill" and almost hit another car while my bestie and I were in the back.

The corner store, who loved my "strange" friends and I, and imported pop soda flavors by our request everyday when we shopped there after highschool, the one by our bus stop, is still alive and well.

The bike trails, once secluded are stripped of trees as well. The place where I would take dangerous midnight bike rides.

The house I grew up in, looks almost the same. Still has the cross that my carpenter grandfather made, attached to the siding. It's creepy, yet endearing at the same time.

There is even more of a church and Wal-Mart on every corner now.

Fast food is in abundance.

Too Complicated ?

I hate that I always am curious and want to investigate everything. I hate that I overthink things. I'm told that it's a good thing, but the truth is, it makes people loathe you. They see you as pretentious, stuck up, weird. It's a social death. But it's like an addiction.

I wish I could just go along with things like everyone else. I'm tired of being hurt, ostracized, fucked over. Logic would say that people would respect you as an individual. But humans are tribalistic creatures.

I wish for once a bridge would guide my way, and not burn right in front of me. :(

Not EZPZ to write about

I have Social Anxiety. Actual, medically diagnosed Social Anxiety. That means that the neurons in my body go haywire over social interaction the same they would, if someone that doesn't have it, would react to a dangerous situation. It's a living hell.

However, I got really better for awhile. That's almost ten years ago. All the social skills I gained are lost again after moving here to where I am now. I live in a place where I don't want to go outside. It isn't worth the bad air, the constant barrage of cars everywhere you go, and the bitchy attitudes of people, and always the possibility that someone is going to harass or try to mug you.

It affects my social interaction too. I've fucked up potential friendships online because my social skills are so blehh. I seem to be uptight and boring, not creative, et cetera, when in reality I'm a bird in a cage that can't fly right now.

Idk what to do. I see why so many people off themselves while living here. It's the city of broken dreams for so many, that try so hard to fit in. I won't do that.

But I wish I could apologize to people at times, but that would probably seem ridiculous and disingenuous. Only if I could stop burning bridges though, that would help ~

Wanderlust

Leave it all, Turn away
Longest walk, in the rain
Coldest night, in the fray
One last smoke, before the train

Compassion is just fashion
And a kiss is not real
Punch-drunk on illusions
Or things to make you feel

Leave it all, Run away
Nothing left, in the fray
Hidden tears, in the rain
LIning eyes, to hide this pain
Compassion is just fashion
And a kiss is not real
Punch-drunk on illusions
Or things to make you feel

https://soundcloud.com/mel-l-vesper

Confuzzled?

It's weird to me when people, guys, say "my D is very confused." I always wonder if I should be the voice of liberation and advise them that they should let their "D" like what it likes, and not stress over it so much.